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December 17, 2014


The Third Annual RealtyLab Nightmare Before Christmas

by mark mclean

‘Twas the night before Christmas and just like last year,
I was short on those listings for buyers, I fear.
So I took to the streets and banged on some doors
List with me now I’ll guarantee wars

Home owners once content to sit out the race
Stood up and declared, I need a bigger place
Hire a stager, a plumber, a painter
With rates this low it’s a total no brainer

As quick as a wick I whipped out my pen
Sign right here, and here and again.
But wait said the seller with an inquisitive stare
I thought I could do it all with a new iPad Air

It’s true I said, but I’m not up with that stuff
So he slammed the door and left with a huff.
Alarmed, I did what any agent would
I jumped onto Facebook to see where I stood.

Real estate corner and 2.0 offered no clues
Just a series of shout outs and a couple of boos
A tablet they said can make your life breezy
A couple of apps and work will be easy

I sprang from my office, jumped onto my bike
To the mall in a jiffy, it’s not a great hike
Weaved through the traffic, avoided the bus
Cut off a few drivers who made such a fuss

Locked up my wheels close to the door
Ran through the mall entrance but slipped on the floor
Lying flat on my back looking up to the ceiling
I must have banged my head hard, it left my mind reeling.

I awoke in a daze under a big giant apple
The throbbing of my head, like the bells of a chapel
“Hi, I’m Mike, your Mac authorized rep
Come into the store, just take that first step”

I did what he said, despite my concussion
Was it him or was it me? Was he speaking Russian?
As best as I could I explained what I needed
Give it to me now and make it fast I pleaded.

With iPad in hand I sped back to the office
Raced through traffic lights, no time to be cautious
Turned that thing on, ready to play
64 gigs and Retna display

I sat at my desk for at least 24 hours
amazed by this machine at my awesome new powers
With this technology, conquer new markets I could
I’d be the next new real estate Robin Hood

The next day I returned to old seller Marty
Look I said I’m super tech smarty
Use you finger to sign here it’s really quite breezy
Let’s get this place listed it’s all super easy

With signatures ready I loaded the listing
And calls I received with agents persisting
Five offers arrived before the date set
Multiple offers are in…no time to fret

The highest price paid for a house on the street
Next month it is done, the deal is complete
I set about preparing a colorful ad
Which I could do quickly with my shiny iPad

But wait there is more without a word of a lie
RECO had received a complaint, a loud cry
From a man who was interested in that little house
He has away for the weekend with his dog and his spouse

A hefty fine I received, for what I don’t know
My seller was happy, he got lots of dough
Even the buyers were thrilled with their happy abode
Searching for months was such a long road.

So now in my listings I put a disclaimer
The seller must sign an all-purpose waiver
To say he will look at an offer today
Preemptive or bully whatever you say

This buying and selling is really tough slogging
The calling, the hours and all that door knocking
On top of all that I put up with the traffic
The words that come out of my mouth are quite graphic

To make matters worse we are stuck with a tax
That the mayor and his brother said they would axe
Just reelect us they cheered, it’s a promise we’ll keep
But the price of a victory was just to darn steep

John Tory declared this tax fills our coffers
It’s too hard to survive without all those fat dollars
But if you think paying twice is a strain
Just Give it 4 yrs, the fords’ll run again.

And from his pulpit he said all the right stuff
Times have been tough, but enough is enough
And as long as I don’t get caught smoking crack
This city is likely to get back on track

Then he sprang to his office, to his team gave a whistle
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle
But I heard him exclaim ere he walked out of sight
Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night.

mark mclean is the Broker/Manager at the Bosley Real Estate Queen St W office and President-Elect for the Toronto Real Estate Board. The opinions expressed here do not reflect the opinions of TREB or Bosley RE

2 Comments Post a comment
  1. Chip Barkel
    Dec 17 2014

    This is brilliant Mark.

    Merry Christmas.

    Sent from my iPhone


    • Dec 17 2014

      Thanks Chip. All the best, and continued success in 2015!


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